! written by u/bernieboy on 2015-01-17

Dear Mayor Penisanus,

I write to you as a concerned citizen of Titsville 4 (What happened to the other 3?). I’m not normally one to complain, but after moving here a few months ago I could no longer ignore the complete mismanagement of this city. This is a disaster.

For starters, you need to seriously relax your eminent domain powers. I woke up in the middle of the night last Tuesday to the sound of heavy construction equipment. I look out my window and see that the Kessler’s house across the street was being torn down and a new interstate being put in its place. All in one night! I haven’t even seen the Kessler’s since, did you kill them in the demolition??

Another major issue is your abuse of power with regards to term limits. When I first learned of your 254 year term I was appalled and confused. Why do you feel the need to cling to power in this city and get in the way of progress? We haven’t even held an election since your inauguration. I understand you literally built this city from an empty field into a metropolis of 800,000, but I think it’s time you accepted a challenger and gave the voters options.

Finally, I think we need to seriously step up our public safety services. Since my arrival to this city a few months ago, I’ve seen 3 tornadoes, an earthquake, a volcano, an alien and robot invasion, and even a fire. The natural disasters don’t make any sense from a geographic standpoint, and the alien and robot invasion had no sort of military response at all!

In conclusion, I’m fed up with your crippling iron-fist leadership on this city. You take away land for your own projects, you don’t allow any voter’s choice, and you lack the leadership needed in times of disaster. If it weren’t for you replacing an entire housing block to put in a subway station for my commute, I’d move away in a heartbeat.