! written by u/Silent_Giant on 2018-01-22

Good day, my name is Clarence, I used to be a cleric at the Grand Exchange in Varrock. My job was basically fulfilling requests of a client, and search the market for any buyers or sellers that are offering whatever my client needed.

Most of my clients were adventurers. You know, the types that run all over Gielinor, asking annoying questions and doing literally everything we ask of them, as long as we have some shiny reward to make up for it. Yeah, those weirdos. There are hundreds of them at the Grand Exchange, sometimes even thousands! And they trade everything with each other; fishes for logs, some blue curved sword for a small fortune, by Guthix, I've even seen paper hats going for literal BILLIONS of gold pieces! Makes me wonder how easy it would be to get some dyes from Aggie and make the colorful hats myself. But I was stuck at a booth for most of the day, and I barely made enough to get around. Besides, the job was a lot tougher than you'd think. Let me tell you about the particular encounter I had during my first day on the job, which made me quit on the spot.

An adventurer approaches me. Big beefy dude, wearing some uncomfortable looking armor, I believe they call it Bandos? Can't even look him in the eyes because he refuses to take off that fucking slayer helmet, which is still stained by the blood of all the innocent creatures he killed earlier. His hands are grimy too, like he has been digging dirt.

He hands me 35 Ranarr Weeds. Those are easy, always high in demand. He tells me to sell them for 5% under the average price. Great, makes it even easier. I check the documents that keep track of all the incoming trade offers from other clients. The first one on the list is already a match. "xXxRunePWNerxXx73". I hand the Ranarr Weeds to my colleague, whom is a banker, and tell him to get those Ranarr Weeds delivered to this xXxRunePWNerxXx73's bank account. My colleague hands me the gold, which I again give to my client.

My client wants more. He throws a bag of gold in my face and tells me to buy one single chinchompa of it. I check the bag. It contains 10000 pieces of gold. This lunatic wants to spend what is my entire month paycheck's worth, on one chinchompa. A grey one, he says.

Well, orders are orders, so I check my records again. Again I find a seller right away, 847 gold pieces. That much? Oh well, it's less than 10 grand, that's for sure. I inform a colleague, who gives me the chinchompa, and I return it to my client, along with 9153 gold. He immediately hands the animal back and tells me to sell it for 1 gold piece. I was told that this is something adventurers like to do, I am now supposed to find the lowest bidder. I check the records. ZezimaFan86416 has the lowest offer with 799 gold pieces. I return the money to my client.

Now my client gives me 10. fucking. million. gold pieces. And tells me to buy as many chinchompas for 801 gold pieces as I can. 12484 chinchompas. What in Guthix's name is this guy planning? But I have a job to do here. This time it is much harder to find a seller. So I tell my client to come back later, as this might take a while. No problem, he says. He then whips out this gigantic sword, with an Armadyl crest on the hilt, and runs off.

I made mad over hours that night. Reading document after document, looking for anyone that sold chinchompas for 801 gold pieces. I was devastated when I got home past midnight. 8 o'clock in the morning, the start of a new shift, my client is back. He asks about his offer. So far I've been able to get him 11432 chinchompas for roughly 9.1 million pieces of gold. He cancels his offer, so I give him the chinchompas and the leftover money.

But my client is not done yet. He hands me all of the little chinchompas AGAIN and tells me to sell them for 845 gold pieces. Confused I get back to work. This guy spend all that money on some furballs and now he wants me to get rid off them again? It is even harder to find buyers, so again I tell him to come back later. He doesn't seem to mind it at all.

Just like last night I worked over big time. It took me until 5 am, but I managed to sell 11432 chinchompas for almost 9.7 million. I decided to keep the crew of the night shift company for the rest of the night. The next morning, my client returns and collects the money he made. He just made 500 grand, and all he did was make me work for 2 nights straight and I did not even earn 1% of that. But he kindly thanks me and runs off again. A different adventurer approaches me now, he's bald, with a goatee. He asks me to buy one magic log for 10000 gold pieces.

I sigh and ask my colleague to handle this one. I am quitting this shit, I heard they were looking for a new cleaner down at the Varrock East bank. It may not be what I studied, but at least I don't have to work over hours anymore. But the best part is, I won't be the guy slaving for them.