! written by u/Bishopkilljoy on 2019-04-27

Okay okay okay look I know the title is a bit misleading (honestly I doubt many of the Aug gen kids would get the reference anyway) but I am not entirely off my rocker okay? Okay.

Alright so I am typing this on my phone as fast as I can before the DPD (Detroit Police Department) shows up and starts putting up red tape and redactions...Also so the real story can get out before the lying wench E-LIES-A Cassan can publish the story..

So for a little back story, I work at a tech firm known as Sarif Industries in Milwaukee Junction...I am just like...a average guy there, I do basic server maintenance and security checks on the main network, nothing major but it pays the bills with benefits. Well tonight about....like 4 hours ago, I was shooting the breeze with my buddy, smoking a ciga-weed at the break room window when suddenly out of no where we hear this loud banging sound.

Now my first thought is "Somebody was setting off fireworks" or something, since kids do this crap all year round when its not snowing. But we heard more and more bangs. My buddy went to go investigate what he heard and I put out what was left of my joint to follow. As soon as we left the room we saw them....eight men with guns pointing around the lot of us still in the building that night (including the president). They informed us that the security guards were all dead and that we now belonged to them as hostages...

..And that's when the girl Rachael who worked across from me screamed in horror. The leader of the group (I know he was the leader because he had an eye patch, that's usually the leader) then took out a pistol and just...racking[Auto Corrected] shot her like she was just some animal! She just collapsed on the ground and...oh duck[Auto Corrected] I heard her gurgling for air...I didn't like Rachael because she was a nosy little stunt[Auto corrected] but Duck[Auto Corrected] man...

Captain Eye-Patch then took the president by the arm and told the others to round us up in the lab foreman's office. Something that my buddy and I noticed right away was that none of these guys were augs, in fact they kept calling us "Hanzers" which is a not-so-cleaver abbreviation of "Enchancers". These guys were anti-augs, part of the "Purity First" movement I guess which made us their sworn enemies. I thought at that moment that my mother was right about not getting that neural computation augment...sorry mom.

So we were being moved into the lab and we noticed MORE guys with guns, and they were destroying the lab, breaking our equipment, smashing glass windows and I swear I saw a guy pissing in the corner...Well we were moved into the office room and our hands and feet were zip-tied to chairs with three guards in the room watching us. We were instructed not to say anything or move...we were scared brick[Auto Corrected] less. That's when we heard a cart being wheeled into the upstairs office area. That is when we knew we were all gonna die. On this cart was some weird....thing. We were told it was a bomb. A TRUCKING[Auto Corrected] BOMB! Like...WHAT! WHAT DO YOU EVEN DO NOW!?! We were told if their boss got what they wanted, we would all be set free but if we made so much as a peep, it would go off.

I'm not a religious man but after those three men locked us in the room alone together with a bomb staring at us, ready to explode? Bet your sweet bass[Auto Corrected] I was praying to what ever would listen to me. So we waited. Second turned into minutes, which turned into hours. We sat....waiting for the end in utter silence. If somebody so much as adjusted themselves in their seat, all eyes of the others were now locked onto them with fear and loathing.

I could tell by the others' expressions that it was over...that we had accepted our fates. That our lives were never going to be saved and I resigned myself to that fate. I started thinking about how my stuff would be given out to my loved ones...I really hoped my younger brother didn't get my virtu-box gaming system, I had a lot of uh...questionable things on it. But something happened, maybe it was my praying or just sheer dumb luck...but we heard the vent in the room squeak open...and I brick[Auto Corrected] you not...a TRUCKING[Auto Corrected] ROBOT MAN APPEARED FROM THE VENTS! The dude had jet black anime-style hair, cool grass[Auto Corrected] sunglasses and FRIGGIN ROBOT ARMS! THE DUDE WAS STRAIGHT UP ROBO-COP! He spoke like he smoked a pack a day and told us to remain quiet. He said he had taken down the guards in the lab, but we were so confused and in a daze we barely understood what he was talking about. Before we had a chance to ask anything, he was pushing buttons and pulling on wires with the bomb. Yeaaaaah we all freaked out slightly at that....but he did it. He disarmed it. Like it was typing on a keyboard something he'd done his whole life. It was so easy. He then told us to stay put and wait for the DPD to come and get us, and to stay quiet in case more of the Purity First creeps came in looking for us. Then, before we knew it...Mister Roboto was gone, back into the vents like a voyeuristic Batman.

We were all so swelled up with emotion; anger, fear, relief, confusion, and weariness that some of us just started crying uncontrollably. Not me of course, definitely my buddy, but no me no way I don't cry. The dude was good on his promise though, after about fifteen more minutes of agonizing silence the DPD came for us, and told us to wait to be questioned.

That is why I am typing this as fast as I can, because I know that they are gonna ask me questions soon. All I can say is...Robo-Man, if you are out there...Thank you.