! written by u/bernieboy on 2015-04-15

It had all started for me with my grandparents visit into town. The whole family got together for a delicious home-cooked dinner. We laughed, reminisced, shared stories, it was great. I chirped about how beautiful our great city is.

I was over in the kitchen grabbing some more Pop Soda and doughnuts, when grandma waltzed in. We chatted for a moment before I looked over to see what she needed. To my horror, she grabbed a glass, walked over to the tap, and poured herself a glass of liquid shit. Fuck. The sewage is backed up again. She chugged the thing anyways, without a worry in the world. I Chirped city hall to let them know.

Needless to say we woke up to her and grandpa dead on the living room sofa the next day. It was was bittersweet. We were sad they were gone, but happy that their final hours had been spent laughing with family.

Anyways, we called the city office to request a body removal. Our call was transferred to the local crematorium, which informed us that the sewage issue had caused a massive backlog in the city, so it would be some time before they could get out. It was frustrating, but it allowed us a little extra time to say our goodbyes. I Chirped about how bad their corpses smelled.

Hours became a day, a day turned into a week. Outside the city was descending into chaos. The intersections below were filled with hundreds of hearses and ambulances, yet our grandparent's rotting, maggot-infested, decaying piles of skin were still on our living room sofa.

"Why don't we just remove them on our own?" My brother suggested. What a bitch. Does he honestly believe I shouldn't depend on the city to do something I could easily do myself? We immediately disowned him.

My family decided it was best if we just abandon the apartment, rather than do something about our dead relatives. We began to leave town, but had to rely on a GPS for navigation.

"EXIT.. RIGHT.. IN.. 20.. MILES"

Fuck. Better switch lanes now so I'm ready. Turns out everyone and their mothers had the same idea to get out of town as us. We sat in that line for hours, days, even. Chirped about the traffic.

"Why don't we just find an alternate route, or switch lanes to get ahead and then merge?" My sister objected. Stupid whore. Did she think I actually learned pathing in University? We disowned her on the spot.

Eventually we managed to get to the interchange. We were sitting in traffic, listening to the radio, eating a stray dog we'd found earlier for sustenance. My newsfeed was getting bad. Deaths were in the thousands, City Hall was barely containing the crisis, people were abandoning their homes to flee the apocalyptic scenes unfolding around them. Firemen couldn't reach buildings because of all the hearses. Police weren't enforcing laws.

There was one good bit of news though, just a side note in the middle of the broadcast: "The mayor announced earlier today that the city would replace the Shit Reservoir Dam with 20 wind turbines by the end of the day, following up on the administration's policy to move toward greener energy."

Nice. The mayor wants green energy, and to remove that damn dam. Chirped that bitch out.

As we sat in traffic, we began to hear a stir in the crowds. Some screams, panicked honking, what was happening? Then we saw it. A wall of liquid shit rolling through the city, heading straight towards us.

"Get in the open lanes!! Let's get out of here!" My mother screamed. What a coward. Disowned.

My father and I sat and watched in horror as the water engulfed the cars in front of us one by one. There was nothing we could do. We screamed for help, everyone did, but no one came to rescue us. Sent out a final chirp.

"Good morning everybody! What a beautiful sunrise."